Just Try to Keep a Secret
by stronghermione
Summary: Despite your best efforts, there is no hiding your deeds from your closest friends... Harry and Hermione tried – and failed. Some swearing, suggestive themes and drunkenness. Post Hogwarts; AU; EWE?


**Disclaimer: Harry Potter is owned by JK Rowling, Scholastic, Bloomsbury and Warner Brothers. All recognisable characters and situations belong to these individuals and corporations. No money is being made from the writing of this story.  
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**Thanks to TycheSong for her fabulous beta work and to LadyStiff and Quilter for cheerleading. Their help is invaluable and greatly appreciated.**

**This one-shot was written for the Oktoberfest Challenge on The Maple Bookshelf. Head over to the site and have a look...  
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**Just Try to Keep a Secret**

Harry Potter entered the _Weinzelt_ tent on the Wiesn. He and a group of his friends had travelled to Munich for the annual festival commemorating the wedding of some prince and princess back whenever it was. Harry was impressed he remembered even that much from Hermione's lecture when they first arrived.

Several things had come together to enable this trip. It was the end of the Quidditch season, and so Harry's best friend, Ron Weasley, and several of Ron's Chudley Canons teammates decided an end-of-season trip was in order. Ron's sister, Ginny had married their friend, Neville Longbottom the previous weekend, and the couple thought a honeymoon in the company of their closest friends would be a great idea.

Ron's brother, George decided he should have a holiday in a place his late twin brother had never been, so he could start to create some memories that did not revolve around Fred. His family were ecstatic that George was ready to take this step. It had been four years since Fred died in the Battle of Hogwarts which marked the end of the war. No one had wanted to push him, but they were relieved he was now showing signs of his old self.

Harry and Hermione's inclusion came about simply because of Ron being the organiser-in-chief of this little jaunt. And truth be told, he really just wanted to spend his vacation time with his two best friends, and they with him.

So here they all were in Germany for Oktoberfest.

It was killing him. '_Never again_,' Harry thought, '_are we going to spend a holiday with this many people!_' There were twenty four of them in their group, sharing six-berth apartments. On the upside, he and Hermione had been placed in the same room, no questions asked. There were only four women in the entire group and the other three were all there with their husbands. At first Ginny had suggested moving one of the twin beds into the room Ron and George had been allocated, and having the three boys share, but it was a tight enough fit as it was. Hermione's assertion that she and Harry had shared plenty in their time, a room would be no hardship, put a stop to any further well-meaning alternatives.

The fact that their twin beds were being pushed together every night, even though they were generally too drunk to actually _do_ anything, was something the other four people they were sharing the apartment with did not necessarily need to know.

That morning they had been awoken by a pounding on the door; Hermione had merely rolled over and buried her head beneath the pillow, groaning. Harry had quickly jumped up to find Ron outside the door, loudly telling him of the breakfast party they were all attending and yelling at them to get a move on. Harry begged off, saying Hermione was in no condition to go anywhere and he should stay to look after her. Hermione's continued groaning from under the pillow reached Ron's ears easily, even though she was out of sight, and so he agreed. "We'll be at _Weinzelt_ after lunch, meet us there," Ron instructed before departing.

Harry closed the door and went back to bed, informing Hermione they were now alone in the apartment. A hangover potion later and it was not long before the two of them were naked, revelling in incredible sex, seemingly more incredible than usual simply because it had been three days since they had had the privacy, time and _health_ to indulge in almost _any_ physical contact. A slightly dazed smile crossed Harry's face as he remembered a particular moment, _his eyes rolled back in his head as his cock was swallowed down her throat..._

"HARRY!"

Harry was startled out of his reminiscence by the shout of George. He was standing at the bar with a man who Harry recognised as one of Ron's teammates. George made the universal drinking motion with his hand and raised his eyebrows, silently asking Harry if he wanted a drink. Harry gave a thumb up in return before cupping his hands around his mouth, and yelling over the din to George that Hermione was coming too. '_Yeah, _multiple_ times thanks to me_,' crowed his libido. George returned the thumbs up gesture, letting Harry know he had heard and pointed in the general direction of the beer garden.

Harry went through to the outdoor area; it was a beautiful day and he quickly located the tables that had been taken over by their group in the corner. They would have to be careful here; this particular tent was Muggle so no magic could be performed. He knew they would end up back in the _Verzauberten Zauberin _tent within a couple of hours. That tent was the one magical enclosure in the entire Wiesn. It was visible, but clever Muggle-repelling charms were placed over every inch of it. Whenever a Muggle approached, they would get a feeling of contentment, that this was a nice place and they should definitely come back later. They never did of course.

Harry flopped into a chair next to his best friend. He clapped Ron on the back and was treated to a loud and raucous greeting. Harry looked around at his companions and outright laughed when he noticed Ginny and Neville sitting directly opposite him, engaged in a lip-lock that there would be no separating them from anytime soon. '_Ah, newlyweds_,' he thought indulgently with a grin. Sitting on the table in front of him was a bowl of peanuts. He grabbed a handful and put half of them in his mouth. The other half he threw across the table at the amorous pair and shouted, "OI! Get a room!"

This, coupled with the arrival of George and Ryan Fowler—Ron's teammate; both bearing trays of beer, were enough to rouse the couple from their snogging. Ginny took a long drink from the tankard her older brother passed her before she handed it off to her husband, snagging another full one for herself. She giggled when Neville playfully tickled her side in retaliation. Ginny blearily looked across the table at Harry, seeming to have to think really hard for a minute as to just who he might exactly be. "HARRY!" she shouted gleefully. She leant over the table and beckoned to him, as though she were about to tell him a secret. He leant across the wooden table, ready to hear what she had to say.

Instead she belched in his ear. Harry sat back, laughing; he should have known better than to fall for a trick like that. He took a drink of his own. Ron leant over and examined him closely before sitting back, a look of horrified disgust on his face. "Wait a moment... You're still not drunk yet? It's four o'clock. What have you been _doing_ all day?" he asked incredulously. Just as Ron asked this question, George stood up, his glass in his hand as though making a toast and yelled "HERMIONE!"

Harry paled; he quickly tried to deny George's assumption, wondering where on earth he had gotten such a notion. He and Hermione had managed to keep their closer-than-friends relationship very quiet these last several months. Had they inadvertently given something away? "N-no, w-we haven't d-done anything of the sort," he stuttered. A whack to his arm alerted him to the presence of his secret _geliebte_. They had been learning bits and pieces of the local language in the last few days. Hermione looked at him, her eyes slightly widened as if asking, '_What the hell are you saying?_' before she sat at the table, loudly greeting everyone and grabbing a glass from the centre of the table.

Hermione and Harry both looked at the faces of the group they were sitting with, trying to ascertain if the timing of George's greeting in relation to Ron's question and Harry's subsequent denial had tipped anyone off. George had already turned away to join another conversation. Ron was frowning into his drink, as though he were trying to work out the answer to a great puzzle. Neville simply had a knowing grin on his face as he drank his beer and Ginny was looking between the two, trying to figure out what had just happened.

She made eye contact with Hermione just as the knut dropped. The sudden look of understanding on her face prompted Hermione to jump up and suggest they visit the Ladies. Harry willed them along, hoping Ginny would not give away anything in front of the others. He and Hermione were not ready yet to go public. They wanted just a _bit_ more time to themselves before the world descended. Another ten days while they were here would be fantastic. Harry hated the notoriety being famous brought. Ron watched the girls go with a shake of his head. "Bloody mental, she just got here, why does she need to go to the loo already?"

"Witches, don't try to understand them, Mate," Harry said. He quickly engaged in a discussion about their plans for the rest of the evening, hoping to distract Ron and Neville from perceiving anything had changed between him and Hermione.

In the bathroom, Hermione was being interrogated by a drunken Ginny. "I'm right, aren't I?" she demanded.

Hermione decided to see if she could distract her friend. "So where are we off to tonight? I think back to the _Verzauberten Zauberin, _everyone is obviously most comfortable there. Oh, you wanted to try some of the carnival rides, we could do that too," she said brightly.

Ginny was not to be deterred. "Hermione Jean Granger, you answer me this instant!" she shrilled, stamping her foot for good measure. "Are you or are you not shagging Harry Potter?"

"Not, I'm standing here being deafened by you!" _If in doubt, try and antagonise her. _

Ginny merely folded her arms across her chest and stared daggers at Hermione for continuing to evade her questions. Hermione snorted because Ginny could not look intimidating while swaying from drunkenness. Indeed, Ginny had to uncross her arms and hold them out to the sides to regain her balance. She giggled as she recovered her stability. She decided to change tactics.

"Pleeeaaassseee, Hermione you have to tell me," she begged. "I'm a married woman now, I will only shag one man for the rest of my life, so until you get married, I have to live, um," she paused and looked down at the ground, confused. "What's the word I'm looking for?"

"Vicariously?" Hermione offered.

"YES! Vacki, vicki, visel – I'm too drunk to say that word, I have to live vickikriskously through you!"

"You've been married for a week," Hermione pointed out. This should work; Ginny could rave on for hours about her new marital status.

"Yes, and I'm spending my _honeymoon_ with you gits! Well, not you, you're not a git, the boys are gits though. You, you're my best friend, I love you," Ginny hugged a triumphant Hermione.

'_Yes! I successfully distracted her!_' Hermione thought victoriously as she returned Ginny's hug. Unfortunately, Hermione's triumph was short lived.

"Which is why you have to tell me if you're shagging Harry or not!"

Hermione let Ginny go and stepped back. "Why is it so important?" She crossed her arms and looked away.

"Because, it's you and Harry! You are each other, Harry is you and you is Harry. Are Harry," Ginny's eyes were going in and out of focus. Hermione grabbed some paper towel and wet it under the tap. "Hermione?"

"Yes?" Hermione asked as she gently dabbed the wet towel on Ginny's cheeks.

"It's lucky we're in the bathroom," Ginny said before she clapped a hand over her mouth and ran for one of the toilet stalls. Hermione grimaced as she heard the distinctive sounds of retching. Like a good friend though, she went and held Ginny's hair back from her face, only letting go when the red-haired witch hauled her head upright again.

"Are you okay?" Hermione asked as the toilet flushed. Ginny exited the cubicle, wiping her mouth and stumbling a little. "Do you want me to get Neville?"

"No," Ginny looked around the bathroom to see if anyone else was in there. Two of the stalls at the end had closed doors. Ginny lowered her voice to a whisper. "Do you have a potion?" she asked.

Hermione rolled her eyes and reached into her pocket. She withdrew a small vial. Ginny took it, gratitude infusing every feature on her face, and quickly drank the contents. Her eyes cleared as the sobering potion took effect. "That's the first one you've had isn't it?" Hermione clarified. Ginny nodded as she surreptitiously cleaned herself up using a little well-placed magic. "Okay, you can have one more in the next twelve hours but then no more for twenty-hours after that," Hermione cautioned.

"I know," Ginny said, reasonably. "So did you shag Harry?"

"Oh Merlin, you're like a dog with a bone!" Hermione complained.

"Just tell me," Ginny pleaded.

"No!"

"Tell me!"

"NO!"

"Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell –"

"ALRIGHT!" Hermione screamed. "I SHAGGED HARRY!" she finally gave in, anything to shut the stubborn redhead up.

Ginny's mouth dropped open in her shock. "What?" Hermione asked irritably. "A moment ago you were begging me to confirm your suspicion and now you're standing there like a gormless twit."

Ginny shut her mouth with a snap. A genuinely happy smile spread across her face, reaching all the way up into her eyes. "Really?" she asked hopefully.

"Really," Hermione confirmed gently.

"He's good in bed, isn't he?" Ginny asked conspiratorially, her smile turning into a mischievous grin.

Hermione turned in mortification to the door. "I am not going to discuss my husband's sexual prowess with his ex-girlfriend!" she exclaimed as she yanked open the door.

"HUSBAND?" Ginny's disbelieving screech echoed through the tiled room.

Hermione stilled. "Fuck."

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"So, are we back at the _Verzauberten Zauberin _tonight?" Harry asked, turning from Hermione and Ginny's retreating backs.

"Yeah, I think we're going to the carnival rides as well," Neville replied. "Hermione has been raving about them to Ginny and she wants to try the dodging cats. What are they exactly?" he asked.

"Dodge'em Cars," Harry corrected. "You drive them around and smash into each other. It's pretty fun." He and Hermione had had a great time on them at a fair recently.

"Cool, I think George wants to eat from one of the carts there. He saw one last night that was all potatoes stuffed with meat and cheese and shit. He reckoned it looked pretty good."

Harry grimaced before replying, "With the amount he's been drinking, does he really want to eat something like that, knowing how it's going to look when it comes back out?" Their apartment had been treated to the sounds of George retching for the past three nights.

Neville pulled a disgusted face as well. "He told me he's been saving his sobering potion for something like this. I think tonight is his last night of drinking to oblivion. He told me this morning he's feeling his age."

Harry laughed before having a drink. Ron had been drunkenly studying him during the entire conversation he had with Neville. It was starting to unnerve him.

"You know, now that I think about it, I know why you went all weird," Ron suddenly said to Harry.

"What do you mean?" Harry asked warily.

"Well it was pretty funny. I said 'what have you been _doing_ all day', then George said 'Hermione' 'cause she just got here, then you went all 'no, no', like you thought he meant you'd been _doing_ Hermione!" Ron broke into laughter. Harry chuckled weakly before chugging half his beer down. "Hey, steady on there, Mate. _Pace _yourself; we've got a long night ahead of us," Ron instructed him. He looked thoughtful for a several moments.

"You know," Ron continued, "it wouldn't be such a bad thing if you _were_ doing Hermione."

Harry spat his mouthful of beer all over poor Neville. His former housemate wiped the beer and spittle from his face, while Ron and the others in their group who had seen it roared with laughter. George joined them to see if he could find out what happened.

"Why do you say that?" Harry croaked.

Ron brought his laughter under control. "What? Oh, about you and Hermione. Well, the three of us are a unit, you know? Its okay for me, once I get my act together and meet a nice girl, she'll just fit in with us. Anyone that either of the two of you try to bring in is going to be resentful and suspicious, and they will try and turn the two of you against each other. You're my best friends, and I don't want the three of us to break up. If you or Hermione meet someone else, it would end badly for us," Ron explained. Neville and George both nodded their agreement.

"I don't follow," Harry said. "Why would Hermione or I get with someone so obviously shallow?"

"No, it's not about being shallow," Ron continued. "It's about the vibe you and Hermione put out. I felt it, so did Ginny. What the two of you have is so special, so unique that it's difficult for anyone else to identify with. Especially someone you're supposed to love more than anyone else. I got over it pretty quickly because I forced myself to. I knew that, for that small amount of time Hermione and I were together, I could trust her and you and I wasn't threatened. I am the only guy in the world who would have been able to cope."

"Have many designs on yourself there, Ron?" Harry asked sceptically. He wondered where Ron was going with this.

"Hahaha, no, look in another world where we all met the expectations of everyone, and Mum had her way, maybe we'd all be at King's Cross in fifteen years, seeing all the kids off to Hogwarts. You would be married to Ginny and reassuring your kid that just 'cause you named him after Snape didn't mean he was destined for Slytherin," Ron paused as Harry spat a second mouthful of beer over Neville. Neville gave Harry an exasperated look before he insisted on swapping seats with a hysterically laughing George.

"_Never_ say that again!" Harry exclaimed.

George was panting and wheezing through his laughter, repeating '_Severus Potter_' every few seconds which just set him off laughing again.

"Don't even hint at it!" Neville added. He wiped his face again, looking slightly green at the thought that Harry would name one of his children after the man Neville feared most throughout his schooling, not to mention that in Ron's little scenario Harry would be married to _his_ wife.

"Okay, okay it was just a dumb thought, but it made _him_ laugh," Ron defended, pointing his thumb at George. The redhead let out a loud hoot of laughter and buried his head into his hands. "My whole point is you and Hermione _work_ together. You have a connection that no one but me would ever be able to understand and after everything, I really think the two of you would be happy together. You have to do something about that before someone else decides they would be happy with Hermione."

"Why are you just bringing all this up now?" Harry asked. "Is it the drink talking?"

"Nah, well maybe a little, but I heard Fowler talking earlier about how Hermione's a right fit bird, and he's gonna put the moves on her tonight. I just – WHOA!" Ron jumped as Harry abruptly stood from his chair in a rage, knocking it over. He was scanning the crowd, looking for Ron's teammate, a promise of a slow, painful death – _no, maiming; it would last longer_ – in his eyes. Ron quickly grabbed hold of Harry's arm, stopping him from taking off to beat Fowler into a bloody pulp.

"Let me go, Ron!" Harry demanded, fighting to break free of his friend's hold. "No man gets the chance to even _think_ about chatting up _my wife_ without me having something to say about it!" he ranted.

Ron let go of Harry in his shock as he, Neville and George all shouted with one voice, "WIFE?"

Harry stilled. "Fuck."

.

Ron, George and Neville were sitting, staring at Harry, stunned, when Ginny came running up to the table, Hermione following closely on her heels, begging her to wait and not say anything.

"Merlin! You are _never_ going to believe what I have to tell you!" Ginny squealed to her husband and brothers. Her words shook two of the men from their shocked trances.

"Not now, Sweetie," Neville said.

"Yes now! It is _mind_-blowing!" Ginny argued.

"Not as mind-blowing as what _we_ just heard," George replied.

"Trust me, _nothing_ is as intensely earth-shatteringly, excitingly, unbelievably and monumentally incredible as what _I_ have to tell _you_!" she reiterated.

"Sorry, it slipped out," Hermione said in a small voice as she came to stand next to Harry.

Harry placed an arm around his wife's shoulders and gently kissed her temple. "It slipped out of me too," he replied with a reassuring smile. Hermione rested her head on his shoulder as she stole her arms around Harry's waist. Their actions brought Ron out of his stupor.

"YOU'RE MARRIED?" Ron shouted in disbelief at the two of them, bringing Ginny, George and Neville's little argument about who had the biggest news to impart to a halt. It even served to stop the conversations of those nearest them, who all turned to see what the commotion was.

Harry tightened his hold on Hermione. "Yes, yes we are," he confirmed.

"SINCE WHEN?" Ron's internal volume control currently had no attendant.

"Since Harry's birthday," replied Hermione.

"BUT, BUT WE THREE WERE ALL TOGETHER THAT WHOLE DAY! WHEN DID YOU GET MARRIED? HOW DID YOU GET MARRIED?" Ron's voice was attracting attention.

"We were at Hogwarts at dawn. Kingsley married us with Minerva and Andromeda as witnesses," Harry explained. "Teddy was there too. The six of us had breakfast and then we went home. You turned up two hours later and we spent the day together."

Ron looked devastated. "I can't believe you didn't trust me enough not to tell me," he said.

Hermione broke from Harry's hold and rushed forward to clasp Ron's arm. She hastened to reassure him. "Ron, no it was nothing to do with us not trusting you. If we didn't need witnesses and someone to actually marry us magically and legally in Britain, we wouldn't have even told those three, Teddy doesn't understand what we did. They are all under wand oath not to reveal anything until we tell them to. It was always, _always_ our intention to tell you first," she implored him with her eyes to believe her.

"She's right," Harry chimed in from behind her, "we just wanted to do this quietly and we didn't want to have to put you in a position to have to hide anything from your family. You know how Molly gets when she finds out things you all knew and she didn't. We had planned to reveal all to you on our last day here and have a bit of a celebration, but I guess that's scuppered now," he said ruefully.

"And we didn't want to take away from Ginny and Neville's big day. Everyone was so excited for it and there was a massive build-up. If we had even hinted that we were involved, all the focus would have shifted to us immediately and we didn't want that. Both for us and for you," Hermione said, indicating Ginny and Neville. Ginny was slightly mollified. She had enjoyed being the sole focus of attention in the lead-up to her wedding, and she was honest with herself, she would have been annoyed if Hermione and Harry had stolen that from her. Ginny adored being in the limelight, it was one of the reasons she and Harry did not work out as a couple.

"So when did you get together?" Ron asked. He was still floored at the revelations. The shock had actually sobered him up.

"When we went to Paris chasing the Dolohov lead," Hermione said.

"That was nearly a year ago!" George exclaimed.

"You kept your relationship quiet that whole time?" Neville questioned. He was stunned. He had simply _looked_ at Ginny at a party with speculation in his eyes and word had gotten around quicker than a Hippogriff after a ferret.

"People are used to Hermione and me hugging and giving each other little touches," Harry shrugged. The others all had looks of realisation enter their eyes. "Much has already been said about our ability to silently communicate with each other. As long as we were careful not to kiss each other in front of anyone, then there was really nothing different."

"We were already living in the same house, in adjoining rooms. I just moved into his and we didn't say anything. But one day, we realised that we wanted a deeper commitment to each other," Hermione turned a loving smile to her husband. Their friends' hearts swelled a little at the returning smile Harry bestowed on his wife. It was obvious the two were in love. "We just felt it was something the two of us needed to share without all the bells and whistles and the fanfare that would have come from us announcing our relationship. We were going to organise a big party and tell everyone then, after we had told Ron of course. Are you very angry with us?" she asked their best friend. Harry too was watching closely, ready to deal with Ron's famous temper if it decided to show its face.

Ron was eyeing them both warily. "I don't know," he said honestly. "I'm still kind of hurt you never trusted me, but I can see your points. The fact you didn't have someone else as your Best Man is helping me." Ron eyed Harry pointedly.

"Never," Harry said firmly. "I went without because of it."

"Me too," Hermione said, looking at Ginny. "Minerva and Andromeda were clearly there only in their roles as our mother figures. Teddy was our ring bearer, but he was our only attendant in the traditional sense." Since Hermione had lost her parents in the war, her former Head of House had been her older confidant. Minerva McGonagall had enjoyed filling that role for Hermione as she had no daughter of her own. Andromeda Tonks had also gotten to know Harry very well through his connection as Godfather to her grandson and fulfilled a similar role for him.

"As long as you get remarried at this party and I can be your Best Man, then it's all good," Ron bargained. Harry and Hermione both fervently nodded their agreement. Ron lightly punched Harry in the arm and smiled. "See, I told you Hermione and you would be good together," he reminded his friend. He accepted a hug from Hermione and kissed her fondly on the cheek. "By the way, congratulations," he said sincerely. His words seemed to shock the others into movement and Ginny, Neville and George all pounced on the Potters, hugging, kissing and back slapping. The rest of the group, who had been avidly hanging off every word also moved to congratulate the couple. In the hubbub, Harry made sure Fowler was aware of the consequences any further thoughts about Hermione's _fitness_ would bring him.

"Guess what?" George asked Hermione as he pulled back from giving her a congratulatory hug. At her questioning expression, he revealed, "Ron thinks you'd let Harry name your kid after _Snape_!" George again pealed off into gales of hysterical laughter at the look of horrified disbelief on Hermione's face...

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_Please review, but don't feel any pressure :) I hope you enjoyed it._


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